I love you all and have a Merry Christmas

Good letters by all this week.
To start off, I have no idea what the calling schedule is going to be like. I recommend always having your phones with you. It will happen Christmas day, probably at night. We have a Zone Conference party thing in the day, and then we call, from what I can figure, so it will most likely be then. Sorry, I cant be specific, but let’s not let repeat what happened in the airport, so make sure you are always together, with the phone plugged in if possible and answer the dang thing.
To answer dad's questions about traditional Romanian cuisine, Harbar N-am (I have no idea), because it seems to be the same food they eat all the time. It is probably Sarmali (cabbage stuffed with meat) and I finally had them at the ward Christmas party and they were good, but people have been eating them since I got here. And it is a joke whenever people try to say they are busy because they are making dinner, so we ask if we can guess, and 90% of the time we are right, and that is mamalega (I don’t think I am spelling these correctly) which is the mushy cornmeal, which is pretty good. So those are the 2 dishes I have seen. The only people it seems who can afford to make fancy Christmas dinners are people not from Romania. My whole life I thought I was going to have to go on a mission and eat weird food, but here, I only eat with American families. Kind of lame for cultural purposes, but whatever.
And the street venders have started selling fireworks, and these look like pretty good ones. Our mission office is on the 8th or 9th storey with a balcony in Sector One (that’s me) so we get to check that craziness at New Year’s (which will be really good I bet because Romania is entering the EU.)
Today we went to a market called the Red Dragon, and it was huge, full of junk rip off items with no quality at all. I bought this green neon fur hat for one of the Elders, and as soon as I touched it, it self-destructed. I am still covered in hair. The owner just laughed. I hope he puts it on without thinking. Tons of junk, I think there was even harpooning equipment.
Crazy Cornelious is fleeing the country for maybe a few years, maybe the rest of his life. I really think he is a communist. He is insistent to leave before the new year (going to EU) and has a plane ticket scheduled for every day this week, so he can leave as soon as he gets some signature. I am really going to miss the guy. He came over after church and was going to take us out to eat, but we told him it was Sunday, so he went across the street and bought stuff. Hey, why waste good food? So we ate and watched a scratched copy of the church Christmas DVD. It was good and nice, except for the scratch. That is one of the worst things in the world. You just keep hoping it’s just that part, like a VHS, but no. Anywho, he couldn't give me his email because, and he said this, "I have to be careful," so he will find a safe line that we can chat on, and then he will email me. Good times.
Well, remember when I said I was a professional roofer in Romania? Turns out I am still an idiot, but not as much compared to the kid who told everyone what to do. Aside from all the extra work we had to do, and the money wasted, and the bad feelings during Priesthood with the fight about this lady saying she needs us to fix the roof, and everybody saying that no one has ever fixed roofs before (that Elder was gone), I found some great satisfaction out of the whole event, not because I did a service, twice, but because I was grateful I didn't open my mouth and pretend like I knew what I was doing. I can stand before that lady and say, "I told you I didn't know what I was doing." Not very missionary-like you might say, but I am grateful nonetheless. Anyway, we undid everything we did last time, which took 30 seconds because what we did didn't stick at all. But this time we had a Romanian with us, and we were blessed that it was not cold, but sadly people still had fires burning, and they weren’t burning wood. It was so bad, that I had a pretty terrible headache afterwards, but it went away with Romanian drugs. We had to melt the tar ourselves; so we found an old pot (you can find anything if you just rummage for a few minutes) and boiled it by using the roofing torch on the bottom of the pot. I can’t describe how makeshift it was, but it was all we had, and it took forever, but it might work, except that that whole building (made in 1908 I found out) is crumbling. And it has to be the original roof. Anywho, I have to run now, but I still have tar on my fingers. I hate roofs.
I love you all and have a Merry Christmas. My goal is to make it in the Ensign with a Christmas story by next year. I can see it now, "The Christmas we ate dog, and the blessings of worms." And if anyone cares, I got rid of my fleas, thanks for asking.
Merry Christmas,
Love, Elder Magleby

P.S. I hope my package had the things I asked for. Please say it did, especially scripture tabs, and the sour candy Costco size boxes, and if not, there is still time to repent of this heinous act. Read my old letter.

Jolly? Old St. Nicholas

Dear Family,

This week Sister Gerhardt and I doored the tar out of Dortmund. We have very few progressing investigators so we are currently in the market for some fresh meat. Along the way we met a lot of interesting people. Here's something I`ve learned about Germans: They often answer the door to tell you that they can`t talk now because they aren`t dressed. They even do it when they are very large and very not dressed. The best is when they stay standing in the doorway and watch you leave while still being very large and very not dressed.

While registering Sister Gerhardt with the city of Dortmund, the man who was putting in all of her information asked me what kind of church we were because he needed to put it in the computer. I told him we are the restored church of the original church set up by Jesus Christ in the New Testament. He said he didn`t have anything on his pull down list like that. I asked if he had anything on his pull down list that says the one true church. He laughed and said he would write it in. Then he started asking lots of questions about the church. As it turns out, he has registered a lot of missionaries over the years but had never heard about the church. I hope he gets baptized.

At the ward Christmas party, St. Nicholas came with a sack full of presents for the children. Every time he called out a name, the child would scream and would have to be dragged up to Nicholas crying. Even the older kids were scared. I didn`t understand why until later. In order to get their gift they have to recite a Christmas poem and Nicholas has to approve. If he doesn`t approve then Brombus comes out of the shadows and beats the children with a stick. Seriously. It was hilarious. I love Germany.

Oh, I almost forgot. Janina was baptized yesterday. It was a beautiful Christmas baptism and the whole ward came. So, yeah it was a great week.

Love,

Berkeley

Okay, so no animals this time, but there is a scruffy man . . .

Hi Family,

It’s been a wonderful week here in Dortmund. One of our investigators, named Janina, has decided to be baptized! She has been investigating the church for three years and now all of the sudden she wants to be baptized on December 17th. On Christmas Eve she will be confirmed. I would have been happy to see her baptized on any date but the fact that she put it so soon is an answer to the entire mission's prayers. As of last week we had 102 Baptisms and we need 18 more by December 31st. Think we’ll make it? You better honk!

This week we celebrated St. Nicholas day in that we acknowledged it was St. Nicholas day. We didn’t find anything in our shoes when we woke up so I guess he only visits Germans. The Turks, who run the döner laden across the street from us, didn’t get anything either.

Have I told you much about Dortmund? It’s a wonderful city. As missionaries we have jurisdiction over the 8 million people who live here. I love the underground stations. Each one is different and decorated according to the surrounding buildings above. Right now the city is completely covered with anything and everything Christmas. Yesterday, I saw a scruffy man with red and green ribbons woven through his beard. I’m not sure if it is a program put on by the city or if he was just feeling festive. Perhaps they call it "deck the homeless." Am I right folks?

Here’s a question. Do we have any American traditions? People always ask me how American's celebrate Christmas and I really don’t know what to say. Please give me some ideas or I will be forced to tell them about Wormingham. (Editor's note: A really lame cartoon I recorded off of TV when the kids were little.) So far I’ve led them to believe we use cookie cutters on white wonder bread and then we frost them with Kraft cheese.

Yeah, so I`ll be calling home in 2 weeks and I hope I don’t get a busy signal from you talking to Andy.

Oh, and my companion's name is Sister Gerhardt.

Love Berkeley

White Flakes

Dear Family,

We just found out this morning that I am not transferred, and neither is Elder Walker, or hardly any missionaries in Romania, so, that means I have Christmas Eve with an American family, and then Zone conference on Christmas day. I am really looking forward to it. The Madsen’s are a really nice family, and on Christmas day, we are just going to play Risk (it’s a different game when made by commies, where we all build cheap armies that crumble after your turn is over) all day probably. It hasn't snowed since my first week, but they say it will be a white Christmas. During one of our district meetings, I saw that it was snowing, so I of course opened the window to feel it on my face, and even opened my mouth to catch one of those flakes only to see that it was just someone shaking a rug a floor above us. What kind of rug has gross white flakes come off when you shake it? I don’t think I got any in my mouth, but that was unfortunate.
I am so grateful that I get to stay in Bucharest for another transfer. This is the best place for me to learn the language, and it is where everything happens. I hope I am back for the 4th of July. I just hope I learn to bargain soon. Next week, I am going with the zone leaders to a piatza called the Red Dragon (on P-day). It will be good to haggle for prices with people who speak just as bad Romanian as I do, get it? because they are Asian (just kidding, they know how to speak, while I know nothing about buying something, except to say “without pickles” for k-bobs).
We have some really interesting investigators right now, so I will describe a few of them, since I don't think I ever have:
Tudor- The guy who told us he is a monk when we first met (big guy with a shaved head and huge trimmed beard, I think I have written about him), then set up an appointment later, and forgot who he was, only to see the monk open the door. I was shocked but then found out that he barely believes in God. I still can’t figure him out, but he has the jovialist laugh.
Skulls (I know I have mentioned her)-- Her name is Cristina and she is interested in every religion and thinks we need more rituals in our religion, so I said, “What about baptism?” That angry silence is something I won’t soon forget.
Korn Dawg (or CCC)-Nothing new. Did I mention he has a magnetic brain pill?
Andy & Olibera-Andy is 20 and is covered in tattoos and has a pit-bull, a very nice house, and knows everything about music. He likes meeting everyday, but his dog only likes us every other day. That has almost led to me getting rabies shots and that would make me angry (2 a week for like 6 weeks) but the Lord has blessed my skin that it is tough, or maybe it is a dormant mutant power to resist dog bites. Always a laugh to be had there.
That is all I can think of to write. I love you and hope that all is well.
Love Elder Magleby

Has she ever NOT mentioned an animal?

Dear Family,

Sister Fife and I had a wonderful last week together before my new companion came on Thursday. She's nice and I have spent the last 10 minutes trying to look at her nametag without her noticing. Why don't I just ask her, you say? Tis' a bit late I think. I know it sounds like Braveheart but that can't be right. You see, she never stops talking, this one. I only have to say good morning and she's off. I am constantly reminding myself that, "There are no dumb questions, only dumb...” How does the rest of that go? Dumb people, dumb answers, dumb last names that sound like Braveheart? It's not important. Please don't think I am neglectful. I am trying to be the best trainer possible. But rest assured that I will get a good look at the tag when I leave this Internet cafe. Just know that Sister Bravemumbleartarlsburg sends her love.

Oh, and she has a headache and wants to leave because she doesn't like the smell of smoke.

Guess what? This week at an appointment with an investigator, I met a thirty-year-old Parrot! His name is Koko and he got in trouble because when I went over to talk to him he called Sister Fife and me Blödesau (stupid pigs.) His owner got really mad at him and apologized to us profusely. She said he only likes men. Maybe we will have to let the elders teach Koko from now on.

This week we met a man on a train who works for the Lutheran church. We told him we wanted to see the main Dortmund Evangelische Church sometime and he said he would show us around. We made an appointment and he paid for us so we could go to the top with him. While we were up there, the Dortmund Christmas tree, the world's biggest, so they claim, was lit for the first time this year. Way cool. Then the bells started ringing and it was so loud (we were standing right next to them,) that I couldn't hear for a few hours after. It was so worth it. Who wants to hear institute FHE anyway?

Uh, so much more to tell but Sis. WilliamWallace wants to leave or she will get lung cancer.

Love Berkeley

Flea! Flea-Fly! Flea-Fly-Flo! Vista!

Well, this week was pretty hectic. We had mission conference with President Hafen, and as he shook all our hands, he asked if I was related to David Magleby. Hoping this would start a conversation after, I of course said, "Yeah, that’s my dad!" (Just kidding, I told him that my dad was an Art History professor at BYU, to which he responded, "What’s art history?" Why does no one know what art history is?) The conference was great. He and his wife had such good lessons and stories of the areas here. Some great things are happening in Europe (I’m sure you have been kept up to date through church news, oh, really? You don’t read that?) But his stories were so much better, with behind the scenes action. Then we had 2 dinner appointments and a parade to celebrate Romania’s independence. The parade was the military driving tanks and crazy things down a road. It was just like I would have thought a Communist parade was like. That was the whole parade. Only one band walked by but it was a military band. It was so solemn, with applause breaking out now and then.
Oh, fun fact, I have fleas. I think I got them from a fold out bed in our apartment. I really shouldn't have laid on it. Every day, I would say I have new bites and that they were fleas, and my companion said they were mosquitoes, but I knew better. Then one day, I woke up with four in a single area, and I knew it was trouble. So I got in the shower and just scrubbed all my skin (like in the movie Gattica) and washed off all the stuff that I could and they seemed to go away, but today, I think I found a new one, but this thing is bigger. I don’t know why Elder Walker isn't more concerned, so I started rubbing his sheets against my body. Maybe now he will be motivated to track down that flea killing junk.
Well, to try to bring a more spiritual aspect, this week we set up a man for baptism. We have high hopes for him despite how things have gone for us. When I got here, my comp had 3 people set for baptism, but 2 of those people have completely disappeared without telling us anything, and the other one, his parents won’t let him. It was sad, but we got an old man to commit, but last week, he said he couldn't because what would people think. In Romania the word for repentance has a bad connotation. It means you changed religion from orthodox (I think it fits) but if someone calls you a repenter, it is a bad thing. This is a problem in church when in Sunday school a woman stands up and says that she doesn’t care, and starts chanting "Repenter, Repenter, Repenter. We are repenters". You have to admire her enthusiasm, but it is not a good thing for investigators to see. The good thing is that I feel that all (the old man might die, but that’s what the temple is for. He is 86) of these people will get baptized, just not as quickly as we hoped. Once we find them and they grow up more, they will be great members. Apparently I am in the ward that is the most dysfunctional (in Bucharest) but there are many good people, they just need to come to church more and be more united. I could stay here my entire mission (disappointed that I would never see Transylvania) here in sector one. It has been great.

Love you all so much and happy Saint Andrew day (Nov. 30) my 3-month mark (crazy, being here it has flown by, and this is supposedly my longest transfer.)

Elder Magleby